Let me tell you a little history about me and catheters, I hate them. I have had 2 kids and both kids I had to have C-sections with both of them. The first one was probably the worst. After the surgery which they lay your organs out and remove your baby sow you up and off you go. Well, you have the catheter in so here comes my nurse, she tells me I have to walk before she removes the catheter (evil). I got out of bed and tried walking down the hall, I thought I was going to pass out. She, after my husband told her I was going to pass out took me back to my bed and removed it. Then I went to take a piss, that hurt like hell! I held onto the handicapped bars and screamed. Now the second time the nurse was a godsend, She had me hit my morphine drip thingy took it out and then helped me to the bathroom. It still hurt but I wasn’t feeling like I was going to pass out.
This brings me to my catheter after my cardiac arrest. Now, I really didn’t know how long this has been in… I will say they went ahead and removed it (I don’t remember that part). So, these memories came back, I maybe had those first catheters like an hour to two hours for the C-sections. All I can say I wasn’t looking forward for that first piss, especially how long it had been in.
My nurse who I called Big Bird, (apparently from the stories told we were not a good patient/nurse pair, which I am sure I will have more stories of this relationship) she “kindly” came in and told me I had to pee, not only pee but pee in one of those toilet cup things. Fearing the knowing of the on slot of pain I know is going to happen, I told her I didn’t have to go. She then said “you will go”, I said “no”, after a few back and forth jabs she finally says, “if you don’t pee I will put the catheter back in”. My worst fear, she won… Ugh!
Now I get out of bed with the help of my husband. I am pretty sure that my legs were jacked from being confined in the bed for I don’t really know how long. I get on my wobbly legs with my little bag of fluids on wheels, and make my way to the bathroom. Now to give you a little visual I am ass naked under the hospital gown, hunched over and moving very slowly. This hospital room is pretty spacious and it is a long way over to that bathroom… I press onward with the threat of the catheter being returned to my pee hole. I am sweating and in pain, finally we make it to the toilet. My husband sits my atop the toilet and leaves me to do my thing.
I sit for a moment, knowing what is about to take place. Here we go, I let loose and it feels like fire and razor blades, flowing out of my urethra! I am sweating bullets holding onto the handicap bars for dear life hovering over the toilet seat. Finally it stops and I realize that I have over filled the pee cup thing. Glorious, maybe my firry, razor blade pee will spill onto her shoes. I make my way back to bed and pass out. Unfortunately, I passed out and I don’t know if my pee ever made contact with Big Bird shoes.