Stay at Home Mom

Just from how people have acted when I say that I am a stay at home mom(mostly scoffing), that there is a bad wrap about it, lazy, boring person. Not going to lie, I would like to have nothing to do and be bored out of my mind. But it’s not like that for me anyways. What my day is like the same thing day in and day out is so mundane. Though most days get derailed anymore since we have moved to the “country”. Either have a goat terrorizing the garden, or the one duck has managed to trap itself in a bucket. My daughter who never leaves a moment to be dull by coloring something or dismantling something you didn’t even know it could be taken apart or my son who has great stories to tell but unfortunately they have no ends.

For me I feel like who I am has gotten lost in the day in day out of motherhood. I have been so uncomfortable for doing things for myself. People say go ahead and do it for yourself, splurge a little bit. Fact is, I feel guilty about it I don’t feel like I add much in the way of family finances, and I use money that I have never thought of as mine or have felt like I was apart of making it.

I think now I am learning how to have time to myself, but also how to cherish the time I do have with my kids. My views of spending time with my kids is now something more than just a day in and out experience, but that I have the privilege of being at home with them. Soon it will change, and I will miss my time with them.

Seeing where I was before the SCA as a woman and a mother… Well, I feel that I have changed dramatically. I know I keep saying that, but it is not nonsense. Where I would just flow in and out of my days in a blur. It was not at all the life I wanted. Did I want kids and the house and the husband, yeah. I think growing up and having things happen to myself, it has made me look at me, or the not me. Now seeing what all is out there, I am scared to go right back into it. I now understand than I can be who I want to be and still be a mother.